401k and my pearls
{ahem, I realize I have been MIA from my blog for a year... haha!}
This just popped up in my FB feed. WOW. I remember this day SO well. This day was a BIG turning point in my life 5 years ago. Everything is so different now. I am on a completely different path.
I remember walking in and everyone yelled "surprise." I vividly recall the immediate excitement I felt. I couldn't believe Kyle actually pulled off a surprise party for me. But right after that initial moment, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. It was just ONE more event, one more thing I had to be at. One more thing that I had too little time and too little energy for.
We had just moved from Santa Monica to SLO. We had just bought our house. We were in the process of fixing it up. And we were now living closer to my family. It should have been an exciting time, but to me it felt like the walls were caving in on me and mostly because I was working around the clock. I absolutely loved my coworkers and obviously enjoyed the 6-figure salary that accompanied it, with the fun perks and prestige. But, I felt this nagging in me that there was more than THIS. Sure, I am a passionate business minded women, but I kept feeling that gut instinct.
I desired to have the freedom to spend more time with my 1 year old, Emma. I wanted to help my disabled and loving mom. I wanted to have time to help and serve others. And, I wanted to get pregnant again. Yet nothing was going as "planned." It was a hard, hard season. There was NO time to take care of myself. NO time with my family. NO real joy. I was overcome with the stress and work in trying to keep up with my job. I felt like the ones I loved the most were getting ALL of the leftover scraps of me.
One day shortly after this photo, Emma pushed me back into my home office and said to me "NO mommy, you go back in… you work." AND I LOST IT. Cue the massive tears. After that, I knew this is not how I wanted this time in my life to be.
I knew I needed a change and this was just the cherry on top, confirming it.
So I went for it. I quit. I gave up comforts and luxuries to literally be barely scraping by. I had to begin learning how to be a "stay at home mom.” But we still needed the income. I had to branch out with a new job that I could do around my babies schedules, working at night and on the weekends, and although it was the biggest blessing to me and I enjoyed the work, it was exhausting burning the candle at both ends. I also had to start up new friendships in the lowest season in my life when I felt SO needy and on very little sleep, it was extremely humbling. I had to learn how to take on the most thankless, mundane household jobs with a grateful heart. I did it though, and it was my choice. To some it sounds crazy to give up a "dream" job for what I traded it in for, but that was never my “dream” job.
My dream was NEVER to be stuck to one job. My dream was never to be stuck in a rut, my dream was never to be in a cycle of simply living paycheck to paycheck. My dream was never to feel that underwhelming feeling of giving up. My dream was never to barely see my husband. My dream is bigger.
My dream is to live a life where I can bless others. My dream is to put my God and my family first. My dream is to provide for my family, so my husband doesn't have to bear the full burden. My dream is to provide and help my parents in their old age. My dream is to one day adopt a child or provide the means for others to do so. My dream is to serve and give love those who are viewed in society as "less than." My dream is to work for something that can be a legacy left behind and encourage others to do good, be greater and stronger than they started out being, and give all the glory to God, who is the greatest.
It's so hard when you're in a difficult season and you feel like there is no escape, the hits feel like they keep coming. Trust me, it wasn’t easy, especially after discovering I was finally pregnant (with Ava) and had just quit my job a few days prior. We had no salary and no health coverage.
I am grateful for the courage I somehow had lying beneath all of my fears and worries and just did it. I quit more than a job that day. I quit being in my comfort zone. I quit staying safe and started on a slow and windy, but beautiful path.
All through it though God was good. SO good!! He took care of us. At times very obviously through an encouraging word, friends sending meals or unexpected gifts. The process was refining. It highlighted all of my weaknesses and some of my strengths. More than anything the change was a catalyst for me to start making changes. It forced me to start praying, dreaming, and being open to new opportunities, most which were very different than I expected Him to bring. But I am forever grateful I trusted and took the leap of faith.
Just yesterday, Emma told me her favorite part of her day “is when she is home with me.”
Emma and Ava are more precious to me than any 401K or any beautifully adorned pearls that I could have purchased with my old paycheck. I am incredibly grateful for this past moment, 5 years ago, that led to yesterdays sweet moment and my new path.
This just popped up in my FB feed. WOW. I remember this day SO well. This day was a BIG turning point in my life 5 years ago. Everything is so different now. I am on a completely different path.
I remember walking in and everyone yelled "surprise." I vividly recall the immediate excitement I felt. I couldn't believe Kyle actually pulled off a surprise party for me. But right after that initial moment, I felt anxious and overwhelmed. It was just ONE more event, one more thing I had to be at. One more thing that I had too little time and too little energy for.
We had just moved from Santa Monica to SLO. We had just bought our house. We were in the process of fixing it up. And we were now living closer to my family. It should have been an exciting time, but to me it felt like the walls were caving in on me and mostly because I was working around the clock. I absolutely loved my coworkers and obviously enjoyed the 6-figure salary that accompanied it, with the fun perks and prestige. But, I felt this nagging in me that there was more than THIS. Sure, I am a passionate business minded women, but I kept feeling that gut instinct.
I desired to have the freedom to spend more time with my 1 year old, Emma. I wanted to help my disabled and loving mom. I wanted to have time to help and serve others. And, I wanted to get pregnant again. Yet nothing was going as "planned." It was a hard, hard season. There was NO time to take care of myself. NO time with my family. NO real joy. I was overcome with the stress and work in trying to keep up with my job. I felt like the ones I loved the most were getting ALL of the leftover scraps of me.
One day shortly after this photo, Emma pushed me back into my home office and said to me "NO mommy, you go back in… you work." AND I LOST IT. Cue the massive tears. After that, I knew this is not how I wanted this time in my life to be.
I knew I needed a change and this was just the cherry on top, confirming it.
So I went for it. I quit. I gave up comforts and luxuries to literally be barely scraping by. I had to begin learning how to be a "stay at home mom.” But we still needed the income. I had to branch out with a new job that I could do around my babies schedules, working at night and on the weekends, and although it was the biggest blessing to me and I enjoyed the work, it was exhausting burning the candle at both ends. I also had to start up new friendships in the lowest season in my life when I felt SO needy and on very little sleep, it was extremely humbling. I had to learn how to take on the most thankless, mundane household jobs with a grateful heart. I did it though, and it was my choice. To some it sounds crazy to give up a "dream" job for what I traded it in for, but that was never my “dream” job.
My dream was NEVER to be stuck to one job. My dream was never to be stuck in a rut, my dream was never to be in a cycle of simply living paycheck to paycheck. My dream was never to feel that underwhelming feeling of giving up. My dream was never to barely see my husband. My dream is bigger.
My dream is to live a life where I can bless others. My dream is to put my God and my family first. My dream is to provide for my family, so my husband doesn't have to bear the full burden. My dream is to provide and help my parents in their old age. My dream is to one day adopt a child or provide the means for others to do so. My dream is to serve and give love those who are viewed in society as "less than." My dream is to work for something that can be a legacy left behind and encourage others to do good, be greater and stronger than they started out being, and give all the glory to God, who is the greatest.
It's so hard when you're in a difficult season and you feel like there is no escape, the hits feel like they keep coming. Trust me, it wasn’t easy, especially after discovering I was finally pregnant (with Ava) and had just quit my job a few days prior. We had no salary and no health coverage.
I am grateful for the courage I somehow had lying beneath all of my fears and worries and just did it. I quit more than a job that day. I quit being in my comfort zone. I quit staying safe and started on a slow and windy, but beautiful path.
All through it though God was good. SO good!! He took care of us. At times very obviously through an encouraging word, friends sending meals or unexpected gifts. The process was refining. It highlighted all of my weaknesses and some of my strengths. More than anything the change was a catalyst for me to start making changes. It forced me to start praying, dreaming, and being open to new opportunities, most which were very different than I expected Him to bring. But I am forever grateful I trusted and took the leap of faith.
Just yesterday, Emma told me her favorite part of her day “is when she is home with me.”
Emma and Ava are more precious to me than any 401K or any beautifully adorned pearls that I could have purchased with my old paycheck. I am incredibly grateful for this past moment, 5 years ago, that led to yesterdays sweet moment and my new path.
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